Waste of time.


I’ve never been this contented in my life. Since I’ve realized that he’s the guy i want to be with. He’s intelligent, tame, conservative. Imagine all my qualities turned upside down. Imagine all my qualities the opposite way. That’s him. The opposite version of me. I want to believe that opposites do attract.

Last week, i kept on thinking of him. It’s like there is a part of me missing somewhere and i can’t seem to find it. I dreamed of him  more that 3 times. I didn’t expect that i will feel this way. For all i know, he’s just a ‘potential crush.’ whoa! Then why was i dreaming of him? Why was i thinking of him? I admire him so much. And just thinking of him makes me smile. i can’t believe it. One morning, i woke up, smiling because i dreamed of him. While walking, thinking of him, i smile widely. I imagine what those people i passed by was thinking! Boy! I bet they thought i was crazy or freaking out, something like that. Haha.

Last Saturday, boy, was it great! i was not totally with him, but we were in the same room. Laughing! Just seeing him smile, i felt my heart jump continuously! Why is that? I suddenly realized it felt odd. While yesterday, i found out things that up to now bothers me. Kay said she overheard Kim and company talking. They said that before, when they tease him, he frowns, and gets mad. Now that they were teasing him to me, he reacted differently. He was smiling. just like me. While they were telling those things to me, I’m finding it hard to hide my smile. Who won’t? Haha. What i found out yesterday made my spirits up. I don’t feel hopeless at all.

I texted him last night, telling him that i wasn’t able to attend that 6pm mass because of the Love Express Booth. And told him that i wasn’t able to see him. ( Did i told him that i was sad i wasn’t able to see him? I’m not really sure. ) I was obsessively sad i wasn’t able to see him. I walked home very slowly, looking at the stars while thinking of him. As if his face was there. Odd. When i woke up in the morning, i saw an unread message from him, he said, ‘why did you texted me? nothing. i just got credits. Hehe.  goodnight.’ i hate myself for not being able to reply with his message. He rarely sends text messages and missing to reply even a single text makes me pissed off. What more was when i looked at the last text i wasn’t able to read, it was sent 11:09, and his message was sent at 11:15. just freaking 15min! i missed to beep him back! if i just stayed up for another 15min! i would have able to reply to that message! the message that made my day. i didn’t erased his message and every time i see his name in my inbox, i smile widely. like a child who saw the sun for the first time. =)

I’m contented. Really. I am. Thanks to him. Thanks to God. ♥


January 26, 2009 Posted by | Uncategorized | Leave a comment

My Own Theory of Devolution

My own theory of devolution
by Jessica Zafra

See, I have this theory about alcohol. The more you drink, the lower you go down the evolutionary ladder. When you start swigging the vodka (or the poison of your choice), you’re recognizably human. A few shots later, the change begins.
Your vision blurs. The room appears to be spinning. Slowly, at first, then you feel like you’re inside a blender with some oranges and ice. Your face feels lopsided, and you ask your drinking companions if one side of your face is larger than the other. And when you have to go to the bathroom, walking upright makes you nauseous. You sort of slouch over with your arms down to your knees and do an ape-like shuffle… And that’s when you’ve gone APE. Monkey. Simian. You’ve just rejoined our distant relatives.
But you don’t stop drinking, nonono. What, and be a spoilsport? You go on swilling the drink of depressed Russians, the stuff they imbibe because it takes so long to line up for Coke. Soon, you can’t even stay on your feet anymore. Your legs turn into vestigial appendages (meaning they’re there but you can’t use them). And if you have to travel to another part of the room, you crawl over. You slither on your hands and stomach. You even make a cursing noise that resembles hissing. Bingo. You’re in the REPTILE stage.
If you’re normally the talkative, hyperverbal sort, you will find that imbibing alcohol not only loosens your tongue, but charges it electrically. First there is a noticeable rise in the volume of your voice. Soon you’ve got a built-in megaphone. Not only do you insult your friends in a voice that carries all the way to the next block, but you also reveal your darkest secrets to people you just met two hours ago. You stop talking and you start speechifying. You get pompous. Eventually you stop making sense. A sure sign that you’ve devolved to the POLITICIAN level, a stage closely related to reptiles particularly crocodiles (buwaya). It is here that you are at your most obnoxious.
Fortunately the politician stage passes, although the duration varies from person to person. Some verbose types can go on for hours, in which case it is necessary to force feed them several kilos of polvoron (a very effective mouth sealant). On the other hand, you could tape everything they say, and make some bucks through good old honest blackmail.
You keep on drinking, and the alcohol content of your blood continues to rise. Your brains are getting pickled. If you should insist upon driving yourself home, you will make things really easy for the mortuary people. They wouldn’t have to embalm you anymore, they can just stick you in a jar and put you under bright lights for your grieving relatives. You can’t even crawl anymore, so in your warped state of mind, you attempt to swim on the floor. This is either the Sammy the Sperm phase, in which you regress to the time you were racing several thousand other sperm cells to reach that egg, or the FISH phase, fish being lower down the food chain.
Soon your body refuses to take any more pickling, and goes to sleep on you. You pass out on whatever surface you happen to be on. Hopefully you land on a surface that is not conducive to pneumonia. (This is why you must make sure friends are present when you drink. If you get smashed, you can be reasonably sure they won’t leave you on the street to get run over by a truck.). When you’ve lost consciousness, you’ve gone as far down the evolutionary ladder as you can. You’re not even a living organism anymore, you’re a ROCK.
The next morning, the process of evolution starts up again. You wake up, and you ask. “How did I get here? Where am I? What’s my name?” Your mouth tastes like toxic waste, battery acid, or something that you forgot to put in the refrigerator that developed green spots. Your head is being bludgeoned at regular intervals with an invisible bag of shot.
You mouth vile things – you’re a politician. You crawl toward the bathroom – you’re a reptile. You stand on your legs to reach the sink – you’re a monkey. You throw up, and between heaves, you swear never to touch The Vodka from Hell again. You’re making resolutions you know you won’t keep – Congratulations, you’re human again.

* i freaking love this! wooh. i swear, everything Miss Zafra said was embarrasingly true! haha. and i can’t help myself not to laugh at this. and i admit, i encountered some of this stages. most usual was the politican stages. once i get tipsy, i become a politician right away! haha. i also experienced being in the reptile stage, but never the fish stage! that’s the worse for me. compared to the rock stage, it’s not that embarrasing. haha.

January 19, 2009 Posted by | Uncategorized | | Leave a comment

Blog posting.

I’m not good at this.

But, i’m good at sharing my feelings. Shouting them out loud. And right now, i’m not feeling good. I thought, i could finally call myself a scholar. I was wrong. I wanted to help my mother. It will be a less burden if i will be a scholar as soon as possible. It will not be easy but it will be worth it. Studying, working and serving the Church, can i handle that? Will time management be enough? Will i still have a time for myself? I want to be a lawyer. So i have to sacrifice, and be patient. Best things in life are the ones that you’ve worked hard for. Right? I know, if i will believe in myself, i can do this! God will be there with me all the time. God is good! All the time! =)

January 8, 2009 Posted by | Uncategorized | | Leave a comment